Panic Attack

the tightness isn't in my chest exactly
it's in my throat
and it's not really tightness...
it feels like my heart is trying to
climb
up my throat and 
out
my mouth
to run screaming from this place

where the pressure
to perform
be brilliant

to fail at living down to my expectations
and
up
to the expectations i've decided others
have for me

slowly buries me alive

breaths shallow and quick
limbs going numb

not enough air
too much hot air

promises, promises

my head presses against my throat
slowly tightening
a noose

or a snare

to keep my heart in my body

i don't know which
which is better
does the external pressure
focus the sensation?

my ears flame

how is my blood going to fit?
why is it all running
away from my arms?

toward the burning of my ears
thickening my throat in the rush

fighting for room

blood
heart
air

my thick tongue 
clogging the escape route

blood
heart
air
hand
pressure and purchase