Somehow we got our wires crossed
And what I said got lost in what you thought you heard
Because sometimes it’s not anything deeper
Sometimes it’s just the honest answer
Even when it’s not what you wanted
When you’re digging for meaning where it doesn’t exist
Because I said all

But I didn’t say now

Should Statements

I should sleep anyway
It’s safer beneath the uneven stitches of this quilt
Sewn by loving hands before you stole my breath


I'm white knuckled on the wheel

But there’s an addiction
To this loss of control

That I hate and can’t get enough of
That I wish I could keep at bay

But your pull is unavoidable
A riptide fastened to my soul

Sewn so deeply in my bones
I don’t know where it starts and I end

It’s safer to stay away
But I’ll let you pull me under

To feel that burning in my lungs
And the sweet relief of letting go


I have to remember how to slow down
To breath full breaths
To let things be as they will be
To sit with myself again
To appreciate the dusty corners of myself
Where I’ve shoved all the parts of me you stole time from
Where I hid the bits of me you didn’t like
Where I placed the treasure I didn’t want you to tarnish


I’m scared of what will happen
when I can’t feel the aching
bruising of my lips.

When my hips
don’t whisper your name
each step I take.

When I don’t automatically
feel your ghost 
as I close my eyes.

I don’t want to forget
Something this

I don’t want the
proof that it was all real
to fade into the
nothingness of nights long gone.